[040216] stoni [or] oh what a night

A good friend passed on to  ?  today... Not the first tragedy I’ve experienced that had me facing the death of a loved one, but a very poignant one none the less. Never before have I seen anyone ever bring so many walks of life together in one place in their honor. The power of this alone was beyond my comprehension, a direct blow to my ego, to the envious shadow I’ve harbored for years.

This woman, and I say so in the deepest of sense of the word, represented what I’ve been trying to achieve my whole life. Not only success, or respect, but also tenacity, love, leadership and fierce unselfish loyalty.


I have been forced to see myself in the looking glass with all the filters stripped. Never again can I say I cannot do something. Never again can I say no because I’m afraid. Never again will I put my melon on the chopping block. Never, ever, again.

So I smoke this and raise this glass to you! I shed these hot tears of grief to YOU. I honor you, Antoinette. I wish I had the moment to actually tell you that. Thank you for showing me what it’s like to be human and alive. Thank you.

Thank you for also reminding me of how much of a self centered asshole I can be. I’m serious.

That I will change for not only you, or me but for every creature I meet. Not to say I’ll stand down when I’m wronged, or that I won’t defend anyone who deserves it. Not to say that I’ll walk or lead blindly, or that I am weak.

I’m the strongest I’ve ever been. I’m awake! Can you see me?! I’m awake!!

It’s that fucking looking glass! Fuck you! Shattered!

The person speaking back to me lies. S/he is not me.

Readers, Sorry I’ve been neglecting the blog. I appreciate your support and also the comfort in knowing i’m not alone in keeping an eye on our beloved planet, dimension and multiverse. I’m new at this medium and now with the music, film and art flooding my every waking thought, suddenly not allowing me to ignore them, we’ll engage and create a new mix of media and communication together.

I used to write songs about revolution. I will still. A revolution is no longer an idea, however, and is no longer something we read about in history books or see on the news. We are the revolution. The time is now. I will fearlessly lead by my own example. I will no longer tell myself the wall can’t be climbed.

I will build walls of my own but not to hide behind.  I have no more secrets. I have no more shame regarding  what has and what will come to pass.  I will not be one of those whispering rumors and envy, i walk in the light now.

“I’m naked and fearless, and my fear is naked.”


About Bil Black

musician, producer, pathfinder, Herr Hoku, prophet, channeler, defender of the analog/digital domains and defenseless animals, he who is confused,, sapiosexual, loner, rebel, explorer of time and space, watcher from the wall and shield to the realm of men.
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