i jumped through the hoops yet tripped again and here i am back where i started, but even more than before. ill try to fix it this week but i doubt very seriously this is going to end. ive come to terms with the fact that i’ll never get ahead. the chances are slim that i’ll own my own land or a home. i know i can never pay off my student loan. ill never find real love. ill never live up to my potential. everytime this happens its just to remind me that im a slave to the system. that i cant rise up. that ill be crushed each step of the way. sometimes i feel i have been reduced to a homeless, couch surfing, washed up artist that nobody gives a fuck about. part of me tries to convince myself that ive thrown away anything real, anything loving. sometimes my desire to live is next to zero. i’d work, i want to work, but with the oncoming events what am I working for? stripped down. i own no firearms. i cant leave the country. i destroyed my car. i lost my home. im losing my mind and my will to live. where does it go from here? fuck id love a drink right now but ive used up all my change. ive used up everything.